Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
