help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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