He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
