Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
