i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
