As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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