rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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