Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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