I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
