Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
