Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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