I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I deserve this hangover.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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