I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
