We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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