I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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