dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
