OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
