I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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