So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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