He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
