hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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