This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
