Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
