I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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