This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
