I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize