she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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