so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
