you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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