One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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