He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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