I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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