so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
