I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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