the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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