i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
