last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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