I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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