How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
