I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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