Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
