we're blogging at a bar
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
