even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
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You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
false alarm, still single
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