I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
