9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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