So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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