I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
