It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
