Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize