yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
