before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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