Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
