I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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