I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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