I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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