ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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