One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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