god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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