After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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