the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize