Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize