Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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