Only a mothe r could love this liver
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
