Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
