just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
