i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
