I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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