I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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