Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
