life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
