I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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