First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
