I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
