The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He better not be in your backpack
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
