Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
