She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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