If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
