Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
