She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh god the rape fog is back!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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